As a pastor of a really young church who regularly pleads with couples to avoid things like 2-year engagements, spending $25,000 on a wedding, cohabitation before they’re married, and marrying someone who would make you miserable for the rest of your life, here’s a “gentle manifesto” of proposed changes to the American Marriage Process…

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Step 1: while dating, spend a lot of time with older, wise, godly people and ask them with an open heart what they think about the person you’re dating. And actually listen.

Step 2: after engagement, IMMEDIATELY submit yourself to solid premarital counseling, asking pastor if you should get married.

Step 3: complete premarital counseling with good, Bible-teaching pastor if he thinks it’s wise for you to get married.

Step 4: the same week you finish premarital counseling, throw a fun, informal, CHEAP wedding in someone’s back yard or your church with friends + loved ones. A minimal-planning, “Gather ’round, ya’ll!“, party/celebration-type wedding.

Step 5: Honeymoon + use money that would’ve been spent on wedding for house downpayment or big party with friends / family AFTER honeymoon.